I had a bit of time on my hands this week, so with no new tax news or major announcements by the Chancellor, I scoured my sources for something that I could at least smile about.
The Coronavirus outbreak has been devastating, globally. Of that, we can all agree. With the casualties rising, worrying press conferences, small businesses shuttering for the foreseeable future and an over-extended health service, there’s not been a lot of positive news to appear recently.
But as we British are wont to do, making light of the situation is the first port of call defence mechanism, to soothe collective anxiety. Some have used their time to try and write pithy, impactful statements, to offer some words of encouragement, while others are just here for the LOLs, with coronavirus memes or parodies.
So, with the country seemingly slipping back into another national lockdown, here’s a selection of quasi-philosophical quotes and full-on coronavirus jokes, that amused me and I hope you too:
First, we had the Silent Generation, followed by the Baby Boomers, then Generation X and finally the Millennials; but now experts have come up with new name for anyone born in 2020, who will henceforth be known as the ‘Coronials’
What was the most unused item during quarantine: A bra
For the first time in history, you can save the human race by lying in front of the TV and doing nothing, so don’t screw it up!
Prediction for 2021: Starting in January there will be a baby boom, which means starting in 2034, we will witness the rise of the ‘Quaranteens’
Pretty much every disaster movie ever made starts with the government ignoring a scientist!
My Quarantine Diary
Day One: I’ve stocked up on enough non-perishable foods and bottles of beer to last me for months so I can see out the lockdown for as long as it lasts.
Day Two: I’m in the supermarket because I can’t find a bottle opener and I wanted a twix
Day Three: Nothing on the tele so I decided to talk to my wife, apparently, she’s been made redundant from Woolworths
Boris Johnson’s decision to ban more than 6 people meeting up with each other is only to avoid having his own kids in the same room as him.
If after the lockdown you are offered a choice between having all-paid-for week’s holiday with your wife or having a BBQ with your mates.
Would you choose: 1) Rare 2) Medium Rare or 3) Well-done
Has the coronavirus forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time? If so you may be entitled to CONDENSATION!
Liverpool FC have won the Premiership and the government is paying people not to work. Somewhere out there is a Scouser with an old lamp and a genie, wondering what to do with his last wish.
My husband stuck a map of the world on the kitchen wall and gave me a dart saying, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.
So many coronavirus jokes out there, it’s a pundemic.
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